My Apologies

So, I know I am always begging forgiveness for not keeping up as well as I should and vowing that I'll do better. I know! I know! It just seems that 2010 has been a particularly rough year for me. I shouldn't make excuses since I manage to do things like Facebook regularly.... but the truth is that Facebooking is just snip-its.... sound bites... moments of your life. When I blog I certainly don't give every detail of our lives, but I do write considerably more. Some moments in your life you just have the energy to get through the task at hand. Asking for depth or honesty simply requires more than my soul has had this fall. (Please spare me your eye rolling and "drama queen" label for a minute!)

We decided to go ahead and try to expand our family again. And, again, I quickly got pregnant.... but, again, our excitement and joy quickly turned to disappointment and heartache when I had another miscarriage. My OB ordered some blood work afterward not wanting me to suffer a 3rd terminated pregnancy before doing a little research - which is actually the industry standard. (Nice, huh?) She didn't expect to find much, but as it turned out my A1-c was elevated as were my anticardiolipin antibodies. Now.... mind you I had been feeling physically TERRIBLE since my miscarriage. At first I thought my body was just absorbing the physical and emotional stress of what I'd been put through... but it then it just went on and on... I was TOTALLY EXHAUSTED. I could hardly keep my eyes open most of the time by 10am. At night I was hit-the-wall pregnant kind of exhausted. I just felt terrible. As I went into the OB for my 2 hr glucose test that was ordered after the A1-c result came back (3 whole wks after I had my labs done!) I thought, "That's it. That HAS to be it! I MUST have diabetes... atleast it would explain how weird I'm feeling!". But - as luck would have it.... no. Thank goodness. Big sigh of relief... but then, why do I feel so strange? It took me over a month to get in to see a rheumatologist - which is what the OB's office suggested when they told me my anticardiolipin antibodies were high. For those of you who don't know what on earth that means.... it means that I'm at a higher risk for blood clots , stroke, pulmonary embolism... lots of fun stuff. It is also associated with multiple miscarriages and preterm labor. Additionally it's linked to all manners of autoimmune disorder like lupus, rheumatoid arthritis and so forth. While I had some time on my hands I also found myself a good primary care physician - an internist. I figured I'd better have someone to be a central point for all this health data. She examined me and took a couple of vials of blood to find out about my general health and all my general numbers were fantastic. She also recommended I see a cardiologist for a check up (I'll tell you all about my embarassing fight w/ the netty pot later) and he declared my heart normal and healthy - he practically laughed me out when he saw my blood pressure and cholesterol numbers! Then, last week the day finally came to see the rheumatologist. So many drs, right?! I'm sure my insurance is loving me at the moment! Her main concern was that I either have lupus or just that I have elevated anticardiolipin antibodies. She took 10 vials of blood - I kid you not - and ran a whole host of tests that should either rule in or rule out things. And now I wait. We have a follow up appt Wednesday to discuss their findings. Who knows if I'll learn anything! I am atleast feeling far better than I was back a month or so ago. I was dizzy alot and my head was very foggy.... and I just didn't feel RIGHT. And it's frustrating to someone who likes to be very detail oriented with health practitioners when she can't put her finger on exactly what is wrong. It just that I wasn't RIGHT. And I'm not always right now, but I AM far better.... and that's something for which to be grateful.

Oh, and through all this Joseph has had to take a couple of business trips and I've had to keep up with a busy 3 yr old, the holidays, my business, and the house. It's been busy times! And that's why I've been MIA. B/c at the end of the day I just couldn't do another thing. And it's awful..... and it's frustrating for someone like myself.... so I'll catch up when I can. And when I can't... well, you'll just have to be a little patient with me. I'm doing the best I can.